Monday, July 31, 2006

Sunday bloody Sunday

I am sure you have all heard what a lovely Sunday morning we had....
I went to the demonstration that took place at around 11am. The demonstration was supposed to be against Rice's visit but it turned into one to show the anger at the massacre that had taken place in Qana.
I woke up on Sunday to news footage of murdered children and women and men.
I woke up to visuals of death and destruction.
Or should I say more images of death and destruction.
How can I explain what I felt? How can such a feeling ever be put to words?
So I decided to do the only thing I can do.
I went to the demostration.
Alone.

I sat on a concrete block. One of the ones placed in the middle of the road to stop people getting too close to the Esqwa building. And I watched. I watched the people...carrying flags...walking...looking... getting angrier and angrier...and the man next to me said...'I couldn't stay at home..I had to come down..I couldn't sit infront of the TV anymore'... and then they began to break the glass inside the building. One of the men standing next to me yelled...'Yes, yes....destroy that evil american building...'...I turned to him and yelled...'This is your answer? this will be broadcast all over CNN and BBC and you will loose...everytime...you will loose because all they will see is a bunch of 'crazies' destroying a building...your message about the massacre will be lost...you message about the war will be lost...'...I yelled at a man I didn't know...and then suddenly after about four minutes the breaking stopped...the Sheikhs had gone in...and told the young men to stop breaking and leave the area immediately...and the men did...it all lasted for a few minutes...but later that night what did we see on TV?...yes.... breaking glass....

But what are they to do? How can they ever cope with such frustration? How can anyone?...maybe the x-yugoslavians can feel what we are feeling..or east timorians...or anyone who has had war...but anyone else? how can they know how it feels...this whole thing? Does the 'west' see the real massacre images or are they too 'frail' to be allowed to view such things? Why do they not show them all over their TVs...why is it not allowed to be seen?...the rag dolls of dead children being carried with dust all over them? The limbs buried under rubble... You see these images because you are reading this... so you know...but what about all the rest? The one who should really see it? The ones who send to the BBC's forum...'Yes Israel has a right to defend itself and this is not disproportionate and Hizbollah deserves all it is getting...'...well if this is defending... I wouldn't like to see them in a real war.

I watched with disgust later that day the UN security council meeting... knowing that they will be unable to do anything...as always...a waste of time....all talk and then the american veto..as always...with anything to do with Israel...the veto...well let us veto Lebanon as a whole...that would be the easiest thing to do....why do we bother?...200+ countries in the world and only one controlling it all...where is the pride of these other countries...how do they allow it?
This feeling of disgust..anger...hopelessness...frustration...but mostly it is anger...anger...anger at everyone....anger that even images of dead children does not matter anymore... have we become so jaded that this does not even effect Ms Rice and she ops to go and play her piano...well play your music woman...you have been for my country for three weeks now....

I heard a man in the demonstration...he was saying...'They are martyrs...martyrs.. and we should celebrate them not cry all over them'....and I thought...no...no way.... a martyr chooses to be a martyr....these were children...they knew nothing....nothing...they had not even lived yet...that didn't have the choice...
How can such a feeling be explained? this feeling of yet again...this feeling of knowing that nothing will change....nothing will ever change...death means nothing anymore....

May they rest in peace.
May they all rest in peace.
May we someday rest....in peace.

9 Comments:

Blogger Lotus said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:58 AM  
Blogger sabie said...

dear rena,
I am so deeply touched by your words and I was reading them a couple of times now. all that what is happening in libanon now is so cruel and I really hope that any help and hope will reach you within all this destruction. writing you from germany, so far away from beirut, my friends and me,we are really concerned and shocked about this doing-nothing of the UN.
first of all, I want to listen to you trying to find out how to help you. your voice is heard here!

8:55 AM  
Blogger Manuel Semaan said...

Rana, I am one of those who left. I have lived in Lebanon since 2001 and got to love the country. I just want to share with you that it is not easy to leave. I spend hours exchanging sms and emails. The same conversation: "are u ok?" ... "yes, we are not so afraid anymore... if i die, nver forget that i loved u...". I wish I could be in Lebanon now. mr

8:37 PM  
Blogger Jenm said...

You're so right. Unfortunately, the emotions people are feeling are boiled down into 15 second clips of tearing down a building and are broadcast all over mainstream media outlets. Nobody asks why these people are mad. It's just assumed that they're the aggressors and we should feel threatened by them. It's sad that the other side of the story isn't getting told, but thank you for sharing yours.

9:44 PM  
Blogger 5036.com said...

As an American, I apologize for my country's lack of attention/effort. Many people here are content with war anywhere so long as it doesn't interupt their tv programs. I cannot tell you how sickening it is to admit that.
I wish there was some way that I could make them all open their eyes and see.
Not all of us feel this way, truly. I think most believe the propaganda that they are fed. This is frustrating and makes me feel that we are all doomed.
However, when I read the posts of people like yourself, I know that there is a larger community out there of concerned citizens of the world and this makes me feel hopeful.
Allow me to say to you that I am deeply deeply sorry for all that we are doing and not doing and that I pray for Lebanon. I pray for the world to realize that the U.S. and Israel are a couple of bullies, and they need to be taken to task for their outrageous behavior. I pray that Israel will discover their humanity and recognize it in others. And I pray that the world will finally stand up for the Lebanese, who have behaved so beautifully and heroically in the face of this most recent aggression. I am amazed at the restraint you all have shown. Amazed and inspired.
Please remember, when you get so angry you can't think straight, that there are people on this side of the ocean wishing you love and peace and are working to get your voices heard.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous Karen said...

Rena,
I wasn't there this summer,
I couldn't really feel what was happening, I wasn't really there for my country when it was being torn apart, with my people, my home,
I couldn't be with my family and friends,
I wouldn't sleep for weeks, afraid that if I did, I might wake up and wouldn't find them alive again,
The only coverage I witnessed was the so-perfectly-cut-so-not-the-reality "western" coverage of the crisis,
Thank you for sharing real experience, for allowing me to share the same feelings you must have felt, cause after all, the worst thing we could do would be to forget all those who were innocently murdered by this war.

7:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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7:46 PM  
Blogger petetow said...

It is a strange and difficult time, it is not anger that is dangerous but how it is expressed, as you said about smashing windows and calling buildings evil, this is what people will see, the dead will be over shaddowed by the manic few that want to burn buildings and throw things, it was a year a go I was sat a bistro set when a gang of people protesting turned and started throwing things and the next thing the cafe was on fire, these are the images I retain that these people, countrymen are dangerous and deserve what they get, but it is always the innocent that suffer, it is the way of this crazy world.

6:32 AM  
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